Sweet Spot Sadness

 

Its so weird to be looking forward and realizing won't be in person sessioning with real clients until Spring. This will make it a year "off work" (no one with dog rescue is really ever off work and I am doing on line things but it's not the client table work touch sessions). 

 

When I stepped onto the cruise ship last March, I had no idea we would be stepping off to a world where I wouldn't be in my studio doing sessions EVER again.

My clients are all such real people to me, every person I worked with unique and I am just really really starting to understand that those sessions will never happen again there. 

 

All the physical things, where the oil is placed: which lights, which sheets on the table, which candles and music each person likes, Their pacing, what we talk about, where their muscles need work, how they decompress. What their favorite drinks and snacks are. What they love me to greet them wearing. The us, the timing the breathing.

 

All of this will never happen again in that space.

Some people will come "back" when my new studio opens. But it will never be this work, these sessions, the feel of this sanctuary...

The sheer magnitude of a whole year. and NEVER reentering that space to "work" is daunting.

I had plans on how I was going to make every single last session memorable. I need to shift those to how to make each new studio warming session stellar, and I will, it's just a bit big to look at right now from here.

It's not time for boom booms - BE SAFE - this is killing me. Covid and the risks right now............

July 2nd

My clients, friends and poly peeps are taking risks that are breaking my heart. it just isn't safe yet. more people are moving around from more places. it is LESS safe now than when we got home from the cruise in March and people are running headlong the other direction.

I don't want anyone I care about to die. or hospital. I am struggling with not wanting to tell adults what to do and wanting to scream at people. it. only. takes. one. person to guess wrong.

I feel the same about my poly friends starting to open out beyond their household. it. only take ones person. there is no condom for this and it doesn't just affect your private gem/junks. this can kill people without them touching you.

masks help but are only partially safer. you spread before you know just like herpes. people don't understand about virus transmission... this. isn't. safe. yet. think of it like safe sex: there is no 100% such thing, there is risky and a safer but not safe. also, people lie. this is why poly people don't fluid bond til after testing and willingness to trust their lives to one another - if you are sharing air drops you are now, with this bug; fluid bonding.

this is bottom line: if you are breathing another persons air or sucking spit you are only as safe as their last test + 14 days. period. until there is a vaccine - once there is a vaccine and reliable testing, then you can make educated choices about who to get squishy with.

until then just ... wait. squish with those you are already hunkered with.

as a touch person I GET IT. but there isn't a massage out there or a sexxin worth dying for.

my heart can't take this. its only a few more weeks til we see where the numbers land after the 4th.

CNN's Take on Return to work

Very thoughtful and detailed article....


https://www.cnn.com/2020/05/24/us/sex-workers-coronavirus-intl/index.html

Back to Ananda: When and How?

When to come back,


I am sooooooooooooooo ready to be back to Ananda time and my studio.


I am waiting on two things.


First, the stay at home order for our local area, I keep up on this daily. Being able to get to the studio is an important part of …. Being at the studio.


The second is the sticky part, the medical piece for safety. As the gatekeeper of all who cross my threshold, the one who holds the baton for keeping us all safe, I am beholden to find ways to make sure, as sure as possible that any touch given and taken on my watch and by my hand is the touch of healing, caring and do no harm-ing.


I am scouring the inter- webs daily for info on how to safely get to being able to work again....


So many of my clients have active traveling lives, and are from so many parts of the country and even world travelers ..... It isn’t practical to trace people forever for each session. The first week back wouldn’t be so hard since we’ve all been homebound (theoretically) but some of us have still been out working, some people are their household’s link to the outside world for shopping, some people haven’t stayed home. As we get back to regular life risks will go up and it isn’t humanly possible to trace every person for every possible point of contact for every session date.


Social distancing doesn't work with body work and human closeness…. so I am looking and looking for things that will allow me to get back up close and personal and not die of the death or pass any deathness or long term health problems to anyone.


This bug, even if you recover, can leave permanent systemic damage to organs and immune system. It isn’t like a cold that you are miserable and can say - WOW! That table time was worth it, I can deal with some sniffles. This bug can leave a person permanently impaired.


So I research daily... & if anyone sees /learns something before I see it - link me! I don't think there is anything yet that I have missed but I would love to be wrong!


I am keeping an eye out for real time, point of service, short wait-for results; like 5-10 minutes to show if someone has the bugga... and then will work towards finding a way to get those tests, make them affordable to build into session rates…without breaking the bank (we need something that isn’t hundreds of $)


Basically I need an affordable, real time covid test that processes as quickly as an at home preggers pee strip to be able to work again, before vaccines and while we are waiting for cures that really work.


Nothing in life is totally risk free but if I get this I would go down hard - asthma, hashimotos, prednisone, general immunicrapola… I have the trifecta of things that would go boom if exposed.


I want to work, but prefer to be alive while I do the working. If anyone sees info about this type of testing being reliable and available for people to buy vs going to hospital/that type of thing LINK me and LOOP me in!


Here’s hoping that this type of testing availability coincides with perhaps a June end to stay at home and we can all come out and play.

What I miss most ... A thoughful question from a thoughtful friend

A few days ago when this was all starting to unfold, the impact that is of how this Covid is impacting my very in person work


One of my favorite friends whom I have known as Ananda for years and I were communicating online (safely socially distanced) a few days ago about the social distancing and how it’s impacted our ability to spend in person social and skin time.


He asked me the best question ever and one I have been cogitating on over coffee, while walking my pups and as I adjust to missing my studio time.


He asked what I miss most while being shut down, other than of course the money.


Wow.


What an amazing question. Straight to the heart.


I am so so so very fortunate. 14 years and gaining into a career that I chose thoughtfully and with the support of friends and family.


I went into the sensual arts as a healer who also loves to dive deep into the experience.


I went into this career wholeheartedly after two years of learning, interviewing other ladies in the field, reading, asking questions and getting centered in what I wanted to offer.


I still have several clients whom I met my very first month as Ananda Healer.


So for me, being asked this question gave me the answer so loud and clear in my heart and mind that it knocked me over.


What do I miss most?


I miss the specific people.


I miss the unique conversations and flow I have created with each of my long term “regulars” . I miss knowing what they like to drink, their specific way of saying hi and greetings. I miss their smiles. I miss knowing when I have found a style of clothing, or a hair or makeup thing, or not wearing makeup that it is just right for them, specifically.


I miss getting to express different facets of myself in ways that few persons do.


I miss that when they walk through my studio door that they know, beyond a doubt that they matter - to ME. That they and I can count on that when they walk through that door, or I meet them somewhere that I am absolutely with them.


I miss that in the way a person remembers their first date they ever had. Creating that zing, making it special and seeing those eyes and smiles.


I miss the way I am treated the same way in return. The thoughtfulness, the happiness to be with me, the people who are gifters and have found just the right thing that they know I will like.



I have been saying this on my website and in my ads for years. It could sound cliche, but when I was asked this question, it rang true loud and clear in my head and heart.


I miss the specific PEOPLE.


No two people I have met are cookie cutter. I miss the direct physical differences, how each person hugs, kisses, touches. I miss shared massages, and couch snuggles by the fire. I SO much miss the kissing and massage that leads to more. I miss the people who like to go fast and intense. I miss the people I get to share hours with and take it slow. I miss the people I know I get to snuggle in and hear about their day or week while we cuddle by the fire.I miss knowing how peoples dogs are doing and their projects and dreams and families. I miss the people who need massage first to smooth out their day and settle in. I miss being the person on the table.


I miss the talking and the silence and the space where there is only breathing and kissing. I miss the shared sweat made together and the only with that person’s pheromones and mine.


I miss being able to leave the rest of the world behind, the world all of us have with thinking and logistics and being brain off and body ON.


I miss shared food and the tantric flavor of a shared meal. I miss those times I get to float in soaking baths and hot tubs and let the water set the rhythm. I miss the connection of touch during undressing rituals, letting the fabric be part of the experience, eyes closed and senses lit up. I miss skin. I miss being petted and explored.


I miss that each person brings out a different part of my response and that I can look forward to experiencing that piece of myself with them. I miss learning things about my own pleasure that would never be possible without that specific way of touch that that person brings.


I miss each person’s body, the things that work & with sincerity, the things that are challenges physically but that we find ways to create pleasure in new and different ways. I miss the learning and relearning over time as our bodies change over the years or months.


I miss never standing in the same river twice while keeping all the favorite parts.


I miss eye contact and seeing and being seen.


I miss the smell of each person. I miss the sounds of individual voices cadences. I miss the texture of hair and skin and clothing.


I miss so many things.


Having this time off “work” …. Brings home to me that I love my work; because my work is about the people.


I miss my people.


Be safe out there, while we all ride this through.


If you are already one of “my” people, know that I am missing you specifically, not in theory or abstract. I miss our time & our pacing. If you are one of these people, you will understand this at a cellular level since you created it with me.


If we haven’t met, know that when it's safe to return to the studio that I am looking forward to meeting you and finding out what I would miss once we’ve found our us.


Until our next studio date, I am holding space in my heart and my body for our next time to touch with our eyes, hands, skin and mouths.

Sex and Our Society

Sex and Our Society

While our entertainment, advertising and news media are flooded with images of blatant sexuality, in reality most people discover very little support for genuine sexuality and sensuality and expression of the whole of one's sexual desires and appetites. There are so many mixed, skewed and false messages on TV/radio about what sexuality looks like and who is SEXY. It is no wonder people are confused about what they feel or why they feel it. Many people believe they aren't normal, when in fact they are responding in healthy sexual ways, or when their body doesn't react the way they think it should, when they are progressing along a perfectly natural sexual response pattern.
An example of how the media skews things is in judging a woman's sexuality on how she dresses. Clothing and cosmetics which appear provocative, do not provide an accurate picture of how the woman is feeling. She may appear incredibly sexually inviting (which she likely knows) but this is not always an indication of whether or not she is experiencing a sexual sensation or desire. Confusion over this is often sited in cases of date rape. While there are men who deliberately force their sexuality on another person, it is truly tragic that many cases now labeled as rape are likely confusion over how sexuality is expressed. Both genders have work to do in expressing their desires clearly and in respecting the desires of the man or women they are with. How someone looks and how sexual someone feels are not the same thing.
We are not often taught what real sexuality looks like, feels like or tastes like. So many of us bumble around reacting to what society has taught us sex is. My work helps people to cut through those misinterpretations and to know one's own true desires and recognize and relate to the essence of the desires of others.
We are often not taught or rather taught not to, discuss our sexuality honestly. We tone down or exaggerate what we are feeling to sooth fears our partner may feel. We go along with the flow in a group of people when the majority goes on and on about someone walking by, whether they are hot or not, even if our preferences may be different.
We are not taught that our sexuality exists independently of our relationship status. Our own unique sexual fingerprint is ours and ours alone. No one else's is exactly like ours and it is a relatively permanent part of who we are, much of it with us from birth. It will be with us always; whether we are single or involved/committed. The question becomes how closely and honestly will we look at our own pattern of loops and whorls.
We need to take ownership of our sexuality. If we are single, we usually feed ourselves and clothe ourselves. If we are married and our spouse is away, or unavailable or not interested in the food we like, we quite often still take care of our other basic needs. We golf with our golf buddies if our wife doesn't golf. We go on spa days with the girls if we share an interest that our husband doesn't. We eat sushi with a buddy from work if our lover is a meat and potatoes individual. Most of us, however put immense pressure on our relationship to provide for all of our sexual needs at all times. If that doesn't work, we believe we have two options; to leave, or to cheat. There are other ways to handle our sexuality without burying it or denying it.
We all need to learn how to empower ourselves sexually with grace and integrity. A classic book which addresses this is Open Marriage by Nena and George O'Neill. Originally published in 1972 it is still very relevant in today's world. This book eloquently explains the pitfalls of requiring our partner to provide for all of our needs and wants, and how to find other ways of meeting those needs with kindness and integrity. A more modern work which address specifically the sexual negotiation is The Ethical Slut (1997) by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Lizt. This book can be hard to read because it challenges so many of our beliefs but it will make you think about what you want and how to get there.
We also need to learn to take responsibility for the fact that we CAN control the expression of our sexual desires. There are techniques which can accelerate, decelerate, maintain, contain and disperse our sexual energy. This is something that can be taught as the layers of conditioning telling us that these things are out of our control are peeled away.
Learning to live with our sexuality in a realistic way reduces the needs for crimes of passion based on jealousy, as well as feelings of hurt and inadequacy when our lover expresses an interest not solely focused on our being everything to them.
This involves having the skills, knowing ourselves, knowing those we are involved with, knowing how to communicate, negotiating our future relationships to include the full expression of our sexual needs, working as best we can within current relationships to express our sexual growth in a healthy way, and if we must end them to continue growing taking responsibility for this and moving on with tenderness.
We need skills to maintain our sexuality in a healthy, honest, considerate, kind and loving way with ourselves and those we are involved with.

Finding your Sexual Path With Integrity

My Professional Views on Marriage & Fidelity and finding your Sexual path with Integrity.


Currently, married persons are welcome to become patrons regardless of their spouses involvement or knowledge, but I do encourage all potential patrons to read this section so that we may communicate comfortably. Your marital status, should you disclose it, will be held in the highest confidence at all times.





I believe that honesty is very important to our well being. We must be honest with ourselves to take care of ourselves and to live fully. I believe that intentional dishonesty to others is, in a way, theft. If we tell somebody something we know is not completely true in order to keep them, to get them to agree to something (such as marriage) or to appease them, we have stolen from them the right to make an informed choice and to live the life they need to live to take care of themselves.


That said, I believe it is incredibly difficult in our society to always be honest with our spouses. There is a phenomenal amount of pressure on people to agree to monogamy if they want the other benefits of long term committed relationships such as marriage.


This is a difficult path to walk and most of us find we fall into some shade of gray. Many people dearly want to raise a family and share in the journey with a partner they love. Many people agree to give up significant portions of their sexuality to do this. Some can adhere to that for years, decades or the duration of a marriage. Some follow through but are unhappy, some find ways to be happy without that part of themselves, other find avenues for release and hope they don't get caught.


Society seems to want to make this black and white. If he really loved her he wouldn't want to (fill in the blank). Yet most people experience times in their lives when they discover that they truly do love their life partner and experience feelings out of congruence with the promises they've made.


I believe in striving for honesty to the best of our ability.


I also believe that, at times, honestly is not possible without losing such a great part of ourselves that life is not worth living.


We should not have to cut off our toes to make the glass slipper fit.


Some people cannot be honest and open with their sexuality without losing a spouse, alienating their children, jeopardizing their careers or perhaps even being made uncomfortable or asked to leave their house of worship. These are real risks. Each person has to ask themselves how they will handle times when they find themselves wanting or needing something that was not agreed to or would not be tolerated in their current circumstances.


So what does a person do when everything else in the marriage works, when they value everything they have and just have this one need that their partner can't or won't meet?


Some people have an affair, which carries risks.


Some people leave, which costs them everything else they've worked for.


Some people sublimate their own needs and lose a little piece of themselves


Some people come to a professional to meet those needs.


I do not judge people who come to me by my standards. I understand the difficulties of making these choices and that it is not always the best shade of gray to risk complete honesty. Only the person in a situation can fully understand their best path.
My personal path is to:


Be as honest as possible when entering any new situation


Negotiate ways to communicate which allow for changing circumstances


Solicit and accept honesty from those I relate to


When I discover something that isn't meeting my needs to express it kindly


To avoid situations requiring me to be less than completely honest about my needs.


To me personally , honesty is of the highest priority. I have to be able to be fully myself to feel alive and I have structured my life to allow for this.
In My Practice:


I encourage people I work with to try to the best of their ability to look for a path that would allow for honesty.


I respect whichever choice has brought you to me.


I respect your right to disclose or not disclose your marital status to me.


I welcome the sharing of your feelings regarding your choices.


You may talk with me about this honestly, without risk of judgment.
I encourage the following:


If you can, talk with your spouse. Is there a way to meet these needs together? If you can, give them a chance to share this journey with you.


Try not to repeat the situation if you meet somebody new, try to make only obligations that you can meet without sacrificing those essential pieces of yourself.


Be as much a person of integrity as you can in other areas of your life.


Understand that there are risks if dishonesty is ever discovered. Can you afford to take them?


Accept the consequences of your choices without blaming others.


Be kind and compassionate towards your partner's honest responses, even if those responses don't meet your needs.




Beginning in March of 2020, I will be accepting only clients whose relationships status DO allow for open partaking of my services with in the construct of their current relationship formats. Everything I have written here is true, AND for me, working in the grey zone has taken a mordor like tone for me. I fully believe there is a need for people in all relationships to explore themselves and I value the concept of bodily autonomy. I also need to create for myself a world where my policy on no DADT (a poly term for don’t ask, don’t tell) follows through so that I can be even more my authentic and complete self and feel my work is of completely do no harm status.






It is my sincere hope that I will live long enough to see a time when people do not have to make such difficult and costly decisions to express their sensual nature.