Sweet Spot Sadness

 

Its so weird to be looking forward and realizing won't be in person sessioning with real clients until Spring. This will make it a year "off work" (no one with dog rescue is really ever off work and I am doing on line things but it's not the client table work touch sessions). 

 

When I stepped onto the cruise ship last March, I had no idea we would be stepping off to a world where I wouldn't be in my studio doing sessions EVER again.

My clients are all such real people to me, every person I worked with unique and I am just really really starting to understand that those sessions will never happen again there. 

 

All the physical things, where the oil is placed: which lights, which sheets on the table, which candles and music each person likes, Their pacing, what we talk about, where their muscles need work, how they decompress. What their favorite drinks and snacks are. What they love me to greet them wearing. The us, the timing the breathing.

 

All of this will never happen again in that space.

Some people will come "back" when my new studio opens. But it will never be this work, these sessions, the feel of this sanctuary...

The sheer magnitude of a whole year. and NEVER reentering that space to "work" is daunting.

I had plans on how I was going to make every single last session memorable. I need to shift those to how to make each new studio warming session stellar, and I will, it's just a bit big to look at right now from here.

It's not time for boom booms - BE SAFE - this is killing me. Covid and the risks right now............

July 2nd

My clients, friends and poly peeps are taking risks that are breaking my heart. it just isn't safe yet. more people are moving around from more places. it is LESS safe now than when we got home from the cruise in March and people are running headlong the other direction.

I don't want anyone I care about to die. or hospital. I am struggling with not wanting to tell adults what to do and wanting to scream at people. it. only. takes. one. person to guess wrong.

I feel the same about my poly friends starting to open out beyond their household. it. only take ones person. there is no condom for this and it doesn't just affect your private gem/junks. this can kill people without them touching you.

masks help but are only partially safer. you spread before you know just like herpes. people don't understand about virus transmission... this. isn't. safe. yet. think of it like safe sex: there is no 100% such thing, there is risky and a safer but not safe. also, people lie. this is why poly people don't fluid bond til after testing and willingness to trust their lives to one another - if you are sharing air drops you are now, with this bug; fluid bonding.

this is bottom line: if you are breathing another persons air or sucking spit you are only as safe as their last test + 14 days. period. until there is a vaccine - once there is a vaccine and reliable testing, then you can make educated choices about who to get squishy with.

until then just ... wait. squish with those you are already hunkered with.

as a touch person I GET IT. but there isn't a massage out there or a sexxin worth dying for.

my heart can't take this. its only a few more weeks til we see where the numbers land after the 4th.

CNN's Take on Return to work

Very thoughtful and detailed article....


https://www.cnn.com/2020/05/24/us/sex-workers-coronavirus-intl/index.html

Back to Ananda: When and How?

When to come back,


I am sooooooooooooooo ready to be back to Ananda time and my studio.


I am waiting on two things.


First, the stay at home order for our local area, I keep up on this daily. Being able to get to the studio is an important part of …. Being at the studio.


The second is the sticky part, the medical piece for safety. As the gatekeeper of all who cross my threshold, the one who holds the baton for keeping us all safe, I am beholden to find ways to make sure, as sure as possible that any touch given and taken on my watch and by my hand is the touch of healing, caring and do no harm-ing.


I am scouring the inter- webs daily for info on how to safely get to being able to work again....


So many of my clients have active traveling lives, and are from so many parts of the country and even world travelers ..... It isn’t practical to trace people forever for each session. The first week back wouldn’t be so hard since we’ve all been homebound (theoretically) but some of us have still been out working, some people are their household’s link to the outside world for shopping, some people haven’t stayed home. As we get back to regular life risks will go up and it isn’t humanly possible to trace every person for every possible point of contact for every session date.


Social distancing doesn't work with body work and human closeness…. so I am looking and looking for things that will allow me to get back up close and personal and not die of the death or pass any deathness or long term health problems to anyone.


This bug, even if you recover, can leave permanent systemic damage to organs and immune system. It isn’t like a cold that you are miserable and can say - WOW! That table time was worth it, I can deal with some sniffles. This bug can leave a person permanently impaired.


So I research daily... & if anyone sees /learns something before I see it - link me! I don't think there is anything yet that I have missed but I would love to be wrong!


I am keeping an eye out for real time, point of service, short wait-for results; like 5-10 minutes to show if someone has the bugga... and then will work towards finding a way to get those tests, make them affordable to build into session rates…without breaking the bank (we need something that isn’t hundreds of $)


Basically I need an affordable, real time covid test that processes as quickly as an at home preggers pee strip to be able to work again, before vaccines and while we are waiting for cures that really work.


Nothing in life is totally risk free but if I get this I would go down hard - asthma, hashimotos, prednisone, general immunicrapola… I have the trifecta of things that would go boom if exposed.


I want to work, but prefer to be alive while I do the working. If anyone sees info about this type of testing being reliable and available for people to buy vs going to hospital/that type of thing LINK me and LOOP me in!


Here’s hoping that this type of testing availability coincides with perhaps a June end to stay at home and we can all come out and play.

What I miss most ... A thoughful question from a thoughtful friend

A few days ago when this was all starting to unfold, the impact that is of how this Covid is impacting my very in person work


One of my favorite friends whom I have known as Ananda for years and I were communicating online (safely socially distanced) a few days ago about the social distancing and how it’s impacted our ability to spend in person social and skin time.


He asked me the best question ever and one I have been cogitating on over coffee, while walking my pups and as I adjust to missing my studio time.


He asked what I miss most while being shut down, other than of course the money.


Wow.


What an amazing question. Straight to the heart.


I am so so so very fortunate. 14 years and gaining into a career that I chose thoughtfully and with the support of friends and family.


I went into the sensual arts as a healer who also loves to dive deep into the experience.


I went into this career wholeheartedly after two years of learning, interviewing other ladies in the field, reading, asking questions and getting centered in what I wanted to offer.


I still have several clients whom I met my very first month as Ananda Healer.


So for me, being asked this question gave me the answer so loud and clear in my heart and mind that it knocked me over.


What do I miss most?


I miss the specific people.


I miss the unique conversations and flow I have created with each of my long term “regulars” . I miss knowing what they like to drink, their specific way of saying hi and greetings. I miss their smiles. I miss knowing when I have found a style of clothing, or a hair or makeup thing, or not wearing makeup that it is just right for them, specifically.


I miss getting to express different facets of myself in ways that few persons do.


I miss that when they walk through my studio door that they know, beyond a doubt that they matter - to ME. That they and I can count on that when they walk through that door, or I meet them somewhere that I am absolutely with them.


I miss that in the way a person remembers their first date they ever had. Creating that zing, making it special and seeing those eyes and smiles.


I miss the way I am treated the same way in return. The thoughtfulness, the happiness to be with me, the people who are gifters and have found just the right thing that they know I will like.



I have been saying this on my website and in my ads for years. It could sound cliche, but when I was asked this question, it rang true loud and clear in my head and heart.


I miss the specific PEOPLE.


No two people I have met are cookie cutter. I miss the direct physical differences, how each person hugs, kisses, touches. I miss shared massages, and couch snuggles by the fire. I SO much miss the kissing and massage that leads to more. I miss the people who like to go fast and intense. I miss the people I get to share hours with and take it slow. I miss the people I know I get to snuggle in and hear about their day or week while we cuddle by the fire.I miss knowing how peoples dogs are doing and their projects and dreams and families. I miss the people who need massage first to smooth out their day and settle in. I miss being the person on the table.


I miss the talking and the silence and the space where there is only breathing and kissing. I miss the shared sweat made together and the only with that person’s pheromones and mine.


I miss being able to leave the rest of the world behind, the world all of us have with thinking and logistics and being brain off and body ON.


I miss shared food and the tantric flavor of a shared meal. I miss those times I get to float in soaking baths and hot tubs and let the water set the rhythm. I miss the connection of touch during undressing rituals, letting the fabric be part of the experience, eyes closed and senses lit up. I miss skin. I miss being petted and explored.


I miss that each person brings out a different part of my response and that I can look forward to experiencing that piece of myself with them. I miss learning things about my own pleasure that would never be possible without that specific way of touch that that person brings.


I miss each person’s body, the things that work & with sincerity, the things that are challenges physically but that we find ways to create pleasure in new and different ways. I miss the learning and relearning over time as our bodies change over the years or months.


I miss never standing in the same river twice while keeping all the favorite parts.


I miss eye contact and seeing and being seen.


I miss the smell of each person. I miss the sounds of individual voices cadences. I miss the texture of hair and skin and clothing.


I miss so many things.


Having this time off “work” …. Brings home to me that I love my work; because my work is about the people.


I miss my people.


Be safe out there, while we all ride this through.


If you are already one of “my” people, know that I am missing you specifically, not in theory or abstract. I miss our time & our pacing. If you are one of these people, you will understand this at a cellular level since you created it with me.


If we haven’t met, know that when it's safe to return to the studio that I am looking forward to meeting you and finding out what I would miss once we’ve found our us.


Until our next studio date, I am holding space in my heart and my body for our next time to touch with our eyes, hands, skin and mouths.