Soooo far, I am loving the adventure I have embarked on for this year:
One sensual touch session JUST FOR ME per month for one year.
Two receiving sessions in and I had an epiphany ....
After all the jokes and all the conversations in my personal world starting from my early precocious teen adventures and right up to.. well, now… about having sex “like a man”
There is one way in which my sensual nature is definitely un "man-like”...
Before I go there... let me preface this by saying a few things that have always had me dubbed as possessing a man’s sex drive in a woman's body:
· Able to separate sex from relationships (sometimes parallel to but not inherently the same thing as romantic relationships)
· Enjoying sex just for sex,
· Being vocal and verbal about liking sex,
· Talking about sex just like any other topic except more enthusiastically
· Passionately initiating encounters sexually
· Having no confusion about having sex first, and then if things go well talking later
· Being really comfortable in my own body – my own pleasure
· Totally enjoying my “alone time” and “solo play” without guilt
I had 90+ sexual partners before I started this work and never once felt it had any bearing (detrimental bearing at any rate) at all on my humanity or worth as a person.
For me it’s like learning couples dancing; the more partners you practice with the better lead or follower you become …so Let’s Dance!
My experience of sexuality has always been clear, directed and zesty. I have always been able to distinguish between sex, relationships and that consummate magical phenomenon: a healthy long term sexual relationship
These things allow me to be very successful poly, very good at my job, and very able to help other people find their sensual paths and expressions.
I have always been able to be completely immersed in “it” while I am in it and then not look back when I am in the next activity in life.
................ and after all of that
As I sat down to write reviews and blogs and fill out the templates I was faced straight on and head long collisioned into this:
When someone is offering me skilled sensual touch on my behalf for my own pleasure without need to reciprocate... I care absolutely not at all about the gender or what the person looks like, or age....it's all, completely about the quality of the touch of the hands, or pertinent body parts...
Completely...
In all my collecting of ideas of who to see - not once did the pictures, or demographics matter in my selection. This blind spot is so big that I would have to go back and look up eye color, and stats if I had been filling in on a "real" review...
This creates a HUGE blind spot so to speak for me when seeking to communicate with potential clients and one deep gulf tween the quality of experience tween me and a male person writing a review on the same person I would see
Well, ain’t that amazing.
It had NEVER been so clear to me how little that matters to me.
I have always said I don't have a type.
When I used to be a New Horizons Guest (as a member from 18years old til the month they closed their doors) the couples I was drawn to were the ones with the glimmer in their eye and the loving shared touches toward each other vs. the eye candy.
In my personal partnerings I have dated from 23 years older than I, to, ummmmmmmmmmmm 21 years younger (but not going lower than that! - I figure the ages must have balanced out by now)
When dating or marrying, I have ranged from co-ed bimbo status to uber cougar poly collector... But never has it been about the Visuals....
It makes me wonder how many clients out there who happen to inhabit male bodies have this same experience. None? A small percentage? Only when it's someone they have bonded with over time?
It also makes me wonder, would it be this way for me if I were seeking male practitioners? Or FS, or male FS? Would it be different? Is it because FSBT is so much like massage and I have never ever looked up a person’s picture before booking a massage for medical massage, at a spa, on a cruise ship or for any other reason.
Does sensual touch fall so so firmly for me under totally selfish receiving that visual attraction just doesn't blip my radar? Or is it always secondary for me to the quality of touch, the depth of connection, the eye contact and the communication and presences? It sounds like perhaps an experiment for next year is in the making. (Perhaps 2016-2017 is Ananda’s year of F/S adventures).
But for now, for this year.. I am just sitting with this revelation that I am wired differently, not just upholstered differently than many clients.
