Finding your Sexual Path With Integrity

My Professional Views on Marriage & Fidelity and finding your Sexual path with Integrity.


Currently, married persons are welcome to become patrons regardless of their spouses involvement or knowledge, but I do encourage all potential patrons to read this section so that we may communicate comfortably. Your marital status, should you disclose it, will be held in the highest confidence at all times.





I believe that honesty is very important to our well being. We must be honest with ourselves to take care of ourselves and to live fully. I believe that intentional dishonesty to others is, in a way, theft. If we tell somebody something we know is not completely true in order to keep them, to get them to agree to something (such as marriage) or to appease them, we have stolen from them the right to make an informed choice and to live the life they need to live to take care of themselves.


That said, I believe it is incredibly difficult in our society to always be honest with our spouses. There is a phenomenal amount of pressure on people to agree to monogamy if they want the other benefits of long term committed relationships such as marriage.


This is a difficult path to walk and most of us find we fall into some shade of gray. Many people dearly want to raise a family and share in the journey with a partner they love. Many people agree to give up significant portions of their sexuality to do this. Some can adhere to that for years, decades or the duration of a marriage. Some follow through but are unhappy, some find ways to be happy without that part of themselves, other find avenues for release and hope they don't get caught.


Society seems to want to make this black and white. If he really loved her he wouldn't want to (fill in the blank). Yet most people experience times in their lives when they discover that they truly do love their life partner and experience feelings out of congruence with the promises they've made.


I believe in striving for honesty to the best of our ability.


I also believe that, at times, honestly is not possible without losing such a great part of ourselves that life is not worth living.


We should not have to cut off our toes to make the glass slipper fit.


Some people cannot be honest and open with their sexuality without losing a spouse, alienating their children, jeopardizing their careers or perhaps even being made uncomfortable or asked to leave their house of worship. These are real risks. Each person has to ask themselves how they will handle times when they find themselves wanting or needing something that was not agreed to or would not be tolerated in their current circumstances.


So what does a person do when everything else in the marriage works, when they value everything they have and just have this one need that their partner can't or won't meet?


Some people have an affair, which carries risks.


Some people leave, which costs them everything else they've worked for.


Some people sublimate their own needs and lose a little piece of themselves


Some people come to a professional to meet those needs.


I do not judge people who come to me by my standards. I understand the difficulties of making these choices and that it is not always the best shade of gray to risk complete honesty. Only the person in a situation can fully understand their best path.
My personal path is to:


Be as honest as possible when entering any new situation


Negotiate ways to communicate which allow for changing circumstances


Solicit and accept honesty from those I relate to


When I discover something that isn't meeting my needs to express it kindly


To avoid situations requiring me to be less than completely honest about my needs.


To me personally , honesty is of the highest priority. I have to be able to be fully myself to feel alive and I have structured my life to allow for this.
In My Practice:


I encourage people I work with to try to the best of their ability to look for a path that would allow for honesty.


I respect whichever choice has brought you to me.


I respect your right to disclose or not disclose your marital status to me.


I welcome the sharing of your feelings regarding your choices.


You may talk with me about this honestly, without risk of judgment.
I encourage the following:


If you can, talk with your spouse. Is there a way to meet these needs together? If you can, give them a chance to share this journey with you.


Try not to repeat the situation if you meet somebody new, try to make only obligations that you can meet without sacrificing those essential pieces of yourself.


Be as much a person of integrity as you can in other areas of your life.


Understand that there are risks if dishonesty is ever discovered. Can you afford to take them?


Accept the consequences of your choices without blaming others.


Be kind and compassionate towards your partner's honest responses, even if those responses don't meet your needs.




Beginning in March of 2020, I will be accepting only clients whose relationships status DO allow for open partaking of my services with in the construct of their current relationship formats. Everything I have written here is true, AND for me, working in the grey zone has taken a mordor like tone for me. I fully believe there is a need for people in all relationships to explore themselves and I value the concept of bodily autonomy. I also need to create for myself a world where my policy on no DADT (a poly term for don’t ask, don’t tell) follows through so that I can be even more my authentic and complete self and feel my work is of completely do no harm status.






It is my sincere hope that I will live long enough to see a time when people do not have to make such difficult and costly decisions to express their sensual nature.