From September 2015 to September 2016
I am embarking on a tour of Seattle Sensual Artists as "not the driver"....
I love my work and I wouldn't trade it for any other.... AND sometimes as a giver, healer, holder of space, Be-stower of pleasure and sensation, I need to switch gears, down shift and not be in the driver's seat.
In my former world as a massage therapist I wouldn't have dreamed of going months or years without taking my own advice and making sure I got some table time. When I practiced therapeutic mainstream bodywork and medical massage there was enough recognition in the field that givers need to receive that it was tax deductible to go get massages, and counted as part of our educational budget. When I ran the big clinic and had employees, I almost required them to get massages themselves, both in our clinic and other places. It wasn't quite mandatory but it was strongly encouraged and I helped foot the bill for portions of those massages. My employees regularly partook of in clinic trades, on hours, on the clock.
So, why has it taken me darn near 8 years in this world to make time and a commitment to get sensual nurturing for myself? If I really believe it's important and not just a luxury and that all of us, male, female and every other flavor in between and in addition to should enjoy regularly, why I am not putting my money where my mouth is?
I did a few trades, and enjoyed sensual experience in the form of Duo's when I started this work in 2007, while I was still renting space in Capital Hill. I enjoyed the touch but never actually booked and paid for a session as a client. Then the drive from my southbound abode wore too heavily on me and I relocated my practice closer to my den in south hill. When I did that, even the trades and duo's slid away and the sense of isolation that all body-workers, not just sensual healers are notorious for falling into crept in gradually on tip toes.
A few months ago when the lovely Ms. Numina re-entered the world as my duo partner I regained a small sense of that community and of being taken care of myself. When she was already in studio - suddenly it was easy to plan a little "me time", before, after or in some yummy cases, during a duo session. I found myself with small glimpses of time with the huge question mark hanging in the air...... "I am on the table, what do I want and need?" Wow.
Another important wedge in the hiatus of self-care was getting more involved with SWOP and SEPIA and making a commitment to once a month get my little butt up to Seattle to be with some of the other Amazing practitioners here in our area. Sometimes, I am stunned at how truly lucky we are to have so many unique, passionate, committed and varied styles offering providers, not just women, but of all ilks.
Somewhere this summer all of this coalesced into an idea..... what if I made an agreement to myself to ... once per month, for a year, get a session for myself... just as ME, not a trade, not a duo, not discounted or as part of a class... but as a real regular client person.
I set up a few rules to this game:
Sessions will be scheduled through normal "client" portals vs word of mouth or more casual means.
Sessions will be paid for at regular client rates - not trades.
As best as possible I will go through the screening process and treasure map processes as a regular client.
I will book one per month, without repeating providers for one full year - plus a special revisit to the first artist I ever traded with as a baker's dozen finale.
This whole thing started as a nebulous, general, I should do this thing ... yep, I am going to do this thing. Okay - I am going to tell people I am going to do this thing so that I don't back out and change my mind. Hmmm, how do I choose who to see first? I will ask my favorite clients, and then cross reference those suggestions with providers who are open to seeing female clients....
Then, after all that came the thoughts about how many ways this is a good thing:
First, I get to be taken care of and recharged in a different way than either my amazing client sessions are designed for or my personal romantic interests are trained for ..... I get to ask that question: "What do I want and Need right now, just for me, with no other reasons?" Wow, what a concept... hmmm... sounds like something I would ask my clients.
After that, come the extra goodies:
I get to really try on what it is like in the other role, as the client trying to navigate this web of discretion, safety, and step by step details to get to the session.
I get to meet people in person I have only seen online presence, on the boards, via their ads, in reviews in real life, in their own domain where they can shine and express themselves, directly instead of third party.
As a body-worker I can't be "on the table" without learning something
kinesthetically. Sometimes I am conscious of what I am learning, sometimes its subtle, and sometimes it's learning what not to do. All of those things were true in mainstream massage as well.
I get to develop a network of people that I can truly refer to. I don't mean give a reference for. I mean refer to. If I were ever unable to work, or away for vacation, or overbooked, or just saw a need a client has for a different, something else....
Being on the table, in other practitioner's spaces lets me ask these questions:
Would
I come back as a client?
Would I send my clients here?
(As IN My good clients, not clients I haven't
seen & just can't fit in, but my favorite clients)
Would
I send my personal lovers here?
Would
I refer my female friends here?
What
does this person offer that no other practitioner offers?
I would love this work to be able to shine and be front and center where people could find it more easily.
I don't mean just my work, I mean THE work. For men, for women, for couples, for polycules....
I would love this work to be openly advertised and easy to access and safe in all ways. But until it is, knowing who to safely refer people to is so important. Some can be word of mouth or virtual reputation via the board, BUT nothing replaces a bone-fide - "this person has had their hands on MY body and I trust them" vouchsafe.
After I realized how much good stuff I was getting, I wanted to give back... to share all these wonderful findings- outs. My first thought was that I could write reviews, after all, as a client my input would be valuable, and I have read reviews to see who I want to schedule with.
After communicating with board moderators, and really looking at it through a different lens, I realized that a blog would work better for all involved. I can put things in a blog that don't fit neatly on a template and it doesn't muddy the water leaving people wondering if I am being nudged or subtly influenced to toot other peoples horns. I feel confident that my writing in my style will allow more flexibility and more of the depth of my experiences to surface. I will pull some template items into my blogs, things that I know I would look for in a review if I were the client selecting but some things won't pertain (I am not equipped to test drive) and something I will want to add in that perhaps most clients are not equipped to review from their gender's vantage.
Of course, my blog reviews are NOT unbiased. I am starting with suggestions for highly reviewed, well known, quality, established providers ... so my sample is very self-selected and less than scientific. That said, I think my writings will still have much merit, for myself, for my clients, for the practitioners I visit and for people who may never have yet booked a professional sensual experience but who may feel safe and curious about doing so after reading this.
So, off I go, to receive, relax, reflect and write about my year of letting others drive the sensual shuttle to my-Self care.
Stay tuned and subscribed for post table time posts about each of these monthly escapades into sensually passenger-ing.
