What I miss most ... A thoughful question from a thoughtful friend

A few days ago when this was all starting to unfold, the impact that is of how this Covid is impacting my very in person work


One of my favorite friends whom I have known as Ananda for years and I were communicating online (safely socially distanced) a few days ago about the social distancing and how it’s impacted our ability to spend in person social and skin time.


He asked me the best question ever and one I have been cogitating on over coffee, while walking my pups and as I adjust to missing my studio time.


He asked what I miss most while being shut down, other than of course the money.


Wow.


What an amazing question. Straight to the heart.


I am so so so very fortunate. 14 years and gaining into a career that I chose thoughtfully and with the support of friends and family.


I went into the sensual arts as a healer who also loves to dive deep into the experience.


I went into this career wholeheartedly after two years of learning, interviewing other ladies in the field, reading, asking questions and getting centered in what I wanted to offer.


I still have several clients whom I met my very first month as Ananda Healer.


So for me, being asked this question gave me the answer so loud and clear in my heart and mind that it knocked me over.


What do I miss most?


I miss the specific people.


I miss the unique conversations and flow I have created with each of my long term “regulars” . I miss knowing what they like to drink, their specific way of saying hi and greetings. I miss their smiles. I miss knowing when I have found a style of clothing, or a hair or makeup thing, or not wearing makeup that it is just right for them, specifically.


I miss getting to express different facets of myself in ways that few persons do.


I miss that when they walk through my studio door that they know, beyond a doubt that they matter - to ME. That they and I can count on that when they walk through that door, or I meet them somewhere that I am absolutely with them.


I miss that in the way a person remembers their first date they ever had. Creating that zing, making it special and seeing those eyes and smiles.


I miss the way I am treated the same way in return. The thoughtfulness, the happiness to be with me, the people who are gifters and have found just the right thing that they know I will like.



I have been saying this on my website and in my ads for years. It could sound cliche, but when I was asked this question, it rang true loud and clear in my head and heart.


I miss the specific PEOPLE.


No two people I have met are cookie cutter. I miss the direct physical differences, how each person hugs, kisses, touches. I miss shared massages, and couch snuggles by the fire. I SO much miss the kissing and massage that leads to more. I miss the people who like to go fast and intense. I miss the people I get to share hours with and take it slow. I miss the people I know I get to snuggle in and hear about their day or week while we cuddle by the fire.I miss knowing how peoples dogs are doing and their projects and dreams and families. I miss the people who need massage first to smooth out their day and settle in. I miss being the person on the table.


I miss the talking and the silence and the space where there is only breathing and kissing. I miss the shared sweat made together and the only with that person’s pheromones and mine.


I miss being able to leave the rest of the world behind, the world all of us have with thinking and logistics and being brain off and body ON.


I miss shared food and the tantric flavor of a shared meal. I miss those times I get to float in soaking baths and hot tubs and let the water set the rhythm. I miss the connection of touch during undressing rituals, letting the fabric be part of the experience, eyes closed and senses lit up. I miss skin. I miss being petted and explored.


I miss that each person brings out a different part of my response and that I can look forward to experiencing that piece of myself with them. I miss learning things about my own pleasure that would never be possible without that specific way of touch that that person brings.


I miss each person’s body, the things that work & with sincerity, the things that are challenges physically but that we find ways to create pleasure in new and different ways. I miss the learning and relearning over time as our bodies change over the years or months.


I miss never standing in the same river twice while keeping all the favorite parts.


I miss eye contact and seeing and being seen.


I miss the smell of each person. I miss the sounds of individual voices cadences. I miss the texture of hair and skin and clothing.


I miss so many things.


Having this time off “work” …. Brings home to me that I love my work; because my work is about the people.


I miss my people.


Be safe out there, while we all ride this through.


If you are already one of “my” people, know that I am missing you specifically, not in theory or abstract. I miss our time & our pacing. If you are one of these people, you will understand this at a cellular level since you created it with me.


If we haven’t met, know that when it's safe to return to the studio that I am looking forward to meeting you and finding out what I would miss once we’ve found our us.


Until our next studio date, I am holding space in my heart and my body for our next time to touch with our eyes, hands, skin and mouths.